COLLEGE HOUR UPDATE -- another Triumph for Shared Governance!!
In a move publicly announced during a closed session of the Board of Trustees
meeting, the school administration has decided to give courses through the traditional,
so-called "college hour." This change, it is thought, will allow students
to take courses during lunch time and thus potentially open up another 23 hours
of the day for a student to enjoy "college hour."
"If this college were any more student centered there'd be targets on
the little swine," as the interim president noted.
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LAWRENCE WELK MEMORIAL BAND TO PLAY SVC!!
Over the heated objections of the Office of Student Life, superannuated Trustee
Skeeter Threadwhistle has arranged for the Lawrence Welk Memorial Band to come
to SVC's Performing Arts Center in December. "The kids at SVC aren't bad
kids, they just need is to be introduced to good music," noted Trustee
Threadwhistle adding, "That and to be thrashed within inches of their
criminal lives."
Threadwhistle went on to reminisce about the good old
days of Rum,.the Lash, and Sodomy, before slumping into unconsciousness, humming
"Tiny Bubbles."
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SWAMP VALLEY COLLEGE CLUBS
The Swamp Valley College Young Republican Club will have it's weekly
meeting in the Student Activities Center. This week's topic -- "Poverty
The Just Punishment of a Caring and Capitalist God."
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Interviewed from prison Monday, Swamp Valley College Student President Ahmir Backrash said that the damage caused by football players playing dominoes in the Student Center was "minimal" and that the "Administration was just using this as another excuse to ignore legitimate student needs." The damage, (picture below) was characterized by Backrash as " a game that got out of hand." Backrash also expressed hope that the administration would have repairs completed before the Swamp Valley Associated Student elections next week. "It would be just like SwampValley to use the elimination of the Student Center, the SVAS offices it contained, and the computer which would tabulate results as an excuse to hold our elections up." As Backrash noted, "In my 9 years at SVC I have always been amazed at how slow administration is to move on to the next step."
