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"Where the smart folks come to learn!"
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The Consultants from Communitas have reported (The picture above represents a mural to be painted in the men's faculty rest room)! And their plan, code-named "Generica 2000," contains the same kind of individualized and painstaking detail that they used on Ash Mountain College, Gehenna Community College, Chernobyl Institute of Technology, several schools that are no longer accredited, and some other colleges that they can't quite remember. The plan features broad expanses of white walls, more concrete than you can shake a pointed stick at, and plywood, plywood, plywood! Also, a nifty report (with cool binding and a 4-color cover!) listing alleged successes suitable for Administrators to wave around at National Conferences.While the Board of Trustees has not yet ok'd this plan, their rubber stamp is expected at the next scheduled Board Meeting. Below is a provisional schedule:
| Tasks | Scheduled Completion | Estimated Completion | Outcome |
| Swamp Drainage | 7/8/2001 | 7/8/2002 | Malarial threat almost eliminated |
| Asbestos Remediation | 8/8/2001 | 8/8/2004 | 45% lower chance of lung cancer (35% lower for Instructors; 15% higher for classified staff) |
| Radiation abatement | 9/8/2001 | The Rapture | Hey, radiation treats lung cancer |
| 1st cost overrun | 9/8/2001 | 7/8/2000 | 13 new employees hired at District Office. |
| 2nd cost overrun | 9/9/2001 | 7/9/2000 | 8 faculty members fired, 1 coach hired |
| Recall of Board of Trustees | From this page to God's ears! | ditto | |
| State Assumes oversite of School | Pending | Looming | 99 more part timers hired |
| Third cost overrun | 9/10/2001 | Already happened | Chancellor retires to villa in Hawaii |
| Project Completion | 9/9/2002 | Heat Death of Universe | At least the consultants are dead! |