LETTER ONE (from WHITNEYICI@aol.com):

It is a well known fact that people who are obsessed with death and destruction of animals are most likely to be found in criminal assaults against human beings--interesting that you mention dahmer.
I can only hope that what is done to your sick repulsive carcass once you pass from this world--one you obviously have no respect for--is that someone puts you in a bin and perhaps posts your maggot filled disintegration on the internet.
if i ever needed to see a representation of what satanic stench fouls this earth, it is certainly validated by your existance.
don't bother replying i am blocking your address.

TO WHICH I ANSWERED (For I am sly and have more than one email account:)

Whitney, may I have your body once you die?

But lovely Whitney, alas, did not respond. I can only hope she didn't die before she had a chance to leave me her body! Or before she learns to use spellcheck and/or the English language.

LETTER TWO (from utcmouj@yahoo.com):

I feel really badly for you...I wonder what your childhood was like. You're pretty sick, and I truly hope that you will seek help for your problems. I can't believe you would disrespect a once-living creature that way. Correction- I CAN believe it, it's just really...sad. Talk to someone.

TO WHICH I ANSWERED:

Man, someday someone is going to tell you what taxidermists and funeral directors do to bodies and you are gonna freeeeak out!

I was also gonna note that I'm pretty positive the Oppossum had been more depressed about the dog's role in the whole thing, but this fan didn't seem like a deep thinker.

SERIOUS CRITIC ONE:

Serious Critic One put down the pipette (and butane lighter and crinkled foil packette!) to ask me:

I was just wondering if you can really call yourself a scientist. I mean, you don't even have any live streaming video. And why aren't there any games on your site? Come on man. I know you're trying to go for the professional look, but someone needs to throw a pie for christ sake.

SERIOUS CRITIC TWO:

Sean, Gucci lab-coat stylishly slung over chieseled shoulder, responded:

So as much as I loved you experiment, I must protest.

This is not science.

A scientist would've had a second opossum, a "control", laying out of the bucket. Then you could've compared/contrasted yadda yadda.

And you coulda raced 'em.

Serious Critic Number One may be serious but he is very hard to figure out because even though most scientests do throw pi around with abandon we have to rely on grant-money to get someone to put up streaming videos. And the McArthur Foundation has not only stopped answering my calls, but have obtained something called a 'restraining order' against me.

I have emailed Serious Critic Number One iand suggested that he donate money to me so that I can stream video and.....

oh.... "Pie!"

Mmmmmmmm.... pie..........!

Sean is a bit too focused on the notion of the double-blind experiment (his/her mail was cleverly titled "she blinded me" which got a good laugh from all the gang in the lab because it contains at least two clever jokes in three measly words).

I mailed Sean the following response:

Sean,

While you make some valid points (I am particularly fond of your notion of the race!) I must respond that while this was not a controlled study (as you astutely noted) it was still science. It is science in the old-school observational way. Like Darwin watching finches, Archimedes watching water spill out of his bath, or Frankenstein hacking up corpses.

However the entire endeavor would be more useful one if, next time, I did have a control.

I will talk to the dog about mass-murdering, which I believe will be right up her alley!

Yours in science!

Roger...