Absent Google

"Sad Hockery"

which I had to use since "Sad hoc" apparently has some meaning....

I know define my new phrase as meaning an argument made up on the spot, that despoils you actual point...

Stalling...

Just because I'm working on various instruction related things (and the fact that BPU2 has STILL not got me the documents I need to be clean with immigration) I will only note that..

"the cowboy meets the company"

and

"A tragedy in five comic acts" ("three" either, but then I got bored checking)

are things not yet found on Google.

Until this post is spidered.

I live to serve. ;-)

Soon Coming to Google Near You

""towards a topography of correspondence""

I HAVE CREATED NEW EVIL!!!!

And, man.. it feels goooooood.....

In the course of writing an abstract I came up with the idea (and word) of "exterrogated." This is based on the idiotic idea that there should be "interrogated theory." And yet no malign, evil, betrayer of language has come up with my word (says Google). Until just now in a Soju-frenzy.

I rule evil!

I should get some kind of award. Like and axe through the middle of my head. Or 72 virgins.

Or, get my goddamed paper accepted. There should be some credit given to someone who can come up with a fresh assault on the English language.

Really. I'm begging here.

I've sent the abstract (due on the 30th, but I just heard of it) to BKF for his sage council.

til then I can only appall you all with the first paragraph...

Kim Yong‐Ik, a Korean by birth, English writer by trade, and Korean by death,
attempted to exterrogate questions of empire, orientalization, and theory by
declaring autonomy from any definition. Kim was avowedly anti‐political,
extra‐theoretical, and purposefully resistant to placement. His writings
however, antithetically to his confessed approach, obsessively concerned
themselves with issues attendant to empire: oppression, the state of the
outsider to the state, disconnection, diaspora, and the dream of coming to a
“home” that was not contested; a home of ancestors and not imperials.

Man..I am evil...



The haters spoke on Husker Du... Johhny Marr rewlzz! Rekanize!

One more thing not found on Google..

"who is righteous, what is love?"

I would have thought someone (probably a teen blogger) would have asked that.

And, yes.. I only came up with that phrase because I COMPLETELY missed a lyric.. ;-)

Also.. because BAG is asking pesky questions about old Eddie Poe, we come across..

"addiction is the ultimate freedom"

now really.. shouldn't some juiced up hophead have written that in their 25,000 word post on how only they saw the injustice of the world and how difficult that sweet knowledge is?

And then THAT lead me to an ultimate truth that google has never admitted -

"freedom is the ultimate addiction"

Deeeewd.. that is so right on...

or I need to go to sleep...

Not found on Google Reduxulusneous-osity

Yet more of my attempt to make Google perfect by posting phrases it has not yet assimilated.

The missing phrase
"my pain was never enough to keep her love alive"
came from a re-writing of an Elvis Costello lyric:
My tears were never enough to keep that girl alive
I think my version more closely describes what makes some girls tick.

The missing phrase
"I'll have that with extra pain"
Came from reading "Procrastination---Now With Sand"
On the excellent "Academic Cog" website and somehow thinking of the Spurlock Documentary "Super Size Me"
I thought, surely, that some emo kid would have used this phrase in complete seriousness. But I was wrong.

Along the same line there was no
"I'll have a side of heartbreak"

while
"Suicide a la carte"
checked in with a modest 4 instances, which somehow bolsters my faith in the creative whininess of the human race.

"Make Mistakes All Shiny, New"

Which I am pleased to say is yet another "phrase not found on Google." And also a dim remembrance of some poem I writ back in the undergraduate days (aah, the best 25 years of my life!) which had something like...

"We do the things we always do,
And make mistakes, all shiny, new..."

which for some reason resonates with me as I re-read Harlan Ellison's anthology "Dangerous Visions" which holds up reasonably well for a volume intended to push the boundaries way back when it was published in 1967 or so..... those boundaries have been pretty well exploded, so anything that holds up in that regard must have been some pretty solid writing to begin with

But as I read "Dangerous Visions" and contemplate Korea, translations, leaving the highest paying job I will likely ever have, and the likelihood that the Patriots will win the super bowl (asterisk baby!) I come across a lovely little quote..

Seems to me most bad things happen within a man's pattern... he gets out of phase and there's a whole row of stones ahead of him laid exactly where each and every one of them will crack him... What he should do is head upstream. It might be unknown territory, and there might be dangers, but... theres' a who row of absolutely certain, absolutely planned agonies he is just not going to have to suffer.

Really. Why keep going on the same path that's busting your ass in predictable ways? It's a failure of imagination.

There are so many novel ways to get broken down and why wouldn't you prefer that, or the possibility that a non-predictable path, a tangent, might spin you off of your absolutely predictable agonies? There will be many paths not taken, but if you (by which I mean "I" since this is all about me.. me.. ME!) stick moronically to one yer a .. yer a .. oh .. a moronic stick!

(that's some mighty fine logickin'!)

Off to see BKF tomorrow about a cover letter, some translation, and where the future is....

Another phrase not on Google

"unified field theory of pain"

Really, there should be such a thing. This came up as I was reading the lovely Academic Cog's discussion of the notion of "the law of conservation of sleep." This is similar to a theory I have long had about pain and avoirdupois, that when one person sheds some, others gain it.

As I pondered on this I drank six beers (thus losing pain and gaining weight, all of which fits in neatly). At this point a breakthrough occurred - I realized that pain is above mere laws and must needs be theory. Suck it, Einstein!

So I looked it up.

And it didn't exist.

Google does not yet define the world.

I am, however, scared to note that the phrase "unified theory of pain" does have 2090 references as of this post. That's a band name, not a subject for study.

What the hell is wrong with you people?

More Phrases Not Found (til now) on Google

"Global War on Buddhism" has no instances, but

"Global War on Christianity" has 1,540.

My analysis is that Christians are more paranoid than Buddhists. Which seems pretty obvious since another argument is most Buddhists are so laid back they just don't care that much

"let's make out or die"
which I got from the lovely "Everything is Wrong With Me" blog by Jason Mulgrew.

I'm not going to get into a "my dick is shorter than your dick" (one of his consistent themes and also a phrase that has not, til now, shown up on Google) contest with the guy, but his phrase "Let’s Make Out or Something" did make me think of how to escalate the issue. And thus I discover another phrase "Not Found (til now) On Google."

Yer gawdam right that's my trademark thingie!

Phrases that do not show up on Google

Here are four phrases that Google could not find on August 5th, 2007. I introduce these first four because they are part of little pieces I am writing.

• "most hated virgin"
• "rainbow through a renaissance"
• "aesthetics of bullshit"
• "see the unusual, appreciate the everyday"

This next one was the BAG's contribution. She first proposed "books on books," which was ludicrous, but she quickly adapted to the game and won with....

• "books on book owners"

Just to demonstrate how this kind of thing is addictive, I tried to work between "books" and "owners" and came up blank on "readers" as well

• "books on book readers"

If any of the three people (including myself) who read this blog have other contributions, I'd like to hear them... Points given if you don't adapt one phrase 8-million times..

And just remember...

• "phrases not found on google"

is not a phrase that can be found on Google.....

NOTE: A different kind of "not found on Google" thing can be found here http://www.cantfindongoogle.com/en/list/1.html which is a list of actual things (not phrases so much) that can't be found on Google.

I found this page by googling "can't be found on Google."

The meta-ness now threatens to engulf us all....

Phrases that inexplicably DO show up on Google

"Your short story has both too many dinosaurs and too much sodomy"

"hold, hold their feeble fibrils tight as nostrils flow till tear ducts dry"

"I've buffed this butt so much, that guys must pack some extra size just to go past my muscled meat mounds."

well.. this is sort of cheating, since these are obviously just odd quotes from websites, but still. And I DID find them in various Google searches for other things.